Author: sumaya ali

Introduction

As two F1 races have been cancelled due to the ongoing conflict in the middle East, I have been delving into other forms of media and stumbled upon this BBC show, which featured one of my favourite Orpheus of all time, Donal Finn. This, and the clips I seen on Tiktok encouraged me to watch it and little did I know, this show would occupy my mind for nearly a week. My head is continiously filled with Mr Hayward’s love confessions, Mary’s emotional break down as she confides in her sister and the overall happy ending. So, this post does deviate from the norm, but it is being made because I simply need to get this out of my head and share my thoughts with the general public.

This is a warning for spoilers: Do not read this if you intend to watch The Other Bennet Sister!

Mary + her Family

I have seen many takes on the villianisation of Mrs Bennet. Some have said that it is unnecessary or odd that she is being portrayed this way. But what we need to remember is that this show is told from Mary’s perspective, and that every other portrayal of Mrs Bennet was from Elizabeth’s POV, who is one of the more ‘liked’ children. Mary has always been pushed aside, seen as disposable purely because she is deemed to be less attractive compared to her siblings.

Her relationship with her mother and Elizabeth were the ones that were elaborated on the most. Through her relationship with Lizzie, you can see how Mrs Bennet treated them differently. Mary had experienced the worst of her mother, being used as a maid instead of a daughter because she has been classed as unmarriable. Lizzie never got that treatment. She was never told to stop pursuing someone while her sister was also pursuing Bingley. But Mary had to, because she was told it would hinder her other sister’s prospects. Lizzie, told directly by Mary, believed that they had the same upbringing, but it is nuances like always being put last or being ridiculed about her appearance that sets her experience apart from hers.

Her relationship with her mother purely relies on what society thought beauty was. Her mother’s entire relationship was founded on her beauty, so her ideals naturally align with her experience. Her mother shows her no affection at all, and only seems to care about herself. The direct quote, ‘shame in your behaviour towards me’ perfectly shows that she only thinks of herself in a situation that was emotionally taxing on Mary. She dismisses her and only compliments her when the idea of a suitor is around, further establishing the idea that Mrs Bennet’s entire personality revolves around what society deems as acceptable.

Mary + the Gardiners

They are the parents that she deserved all along. Mrs Gardiner went out of her way to help a crying Mary after her performance. She has consistently been there for her, with her mother, Caroline Bingley and in her decision to not marry. They have both realised the detriment Mrs Bennet has caused to Mary’s perception of herself. They, along with the freedom of being away from her mother, had allowed Mary to flourish within herself, helping her to figure out what she wanted, to be a governess. They let her break free from the bounds of her mother and realised that “happiness is in our own hands”.

Mary + Mr Ryder

First, we need to explain why her and Mr Ryder wouldn’t have worked. His ideas of freedom could only have been performed by men, as their relationships outside of marriage didn’t have the same severity as if women were accused of it. Mr Ryder assumed that Mary held those same views, only because she was well read. However, he never directly asked her this. More so, he was more in love with her difference than with her, and she only seen him as a friend.

The scene where he ‘proposes’ came to a shock to many and even Mary as he described her as a ‘freedom thinker’ which she isn’t. Although Mary doesn’t follow all of societal norms, she still feels obliged to follow some for the sake of her family and mother. She is selfless because she wanted to accept but realised her position in society. Mr Ryder dismissed this restriction, which makes them incompatible in my eyes, as he created a version of Mary in his head that doesn’t exist.

Mary + Tom Hayward

Tom and Mary have a shared understanding when it comes to not fitting in. Hayward worked his way up, in a society that valued generational wealth over a working man. Mary didn’t fit into the beauty standards her sisters fit into, leading to her to be labelled as the ‘Ugly Sister’ early on, especially after she started wearing glasses. They are both nerds about their specific stuff, Mary with geology and Tom with poetry. This makes the dynamic more wholesome, as they both are deeply interested in their respective things and often share their interests with each other. Mary appreciated this about Hayward, and his kindness towards her, especially when he noticed that she was feeling particularly sad after receiving the letter from her mother.

Hayward took some time figuring out his feelings, which was amazing to witness as his longing stares and lingering touches became the highlight of the show. He yearned and yearned, even when he didn’t notice his feelings towards her yet. Ryder’s involvement made him realise his love for her, confessing in his subtle ways of poetry and touches that he is infatuated with her. He sees Mary for Mary and doesn’t create this superficial version of her in his head, instead, admiring her bluntness and quick-wittedness instead of her ideals and views on society.

Now, although I believe that they are best suited for each other, I do have one issue, and that is miscommunication. Tom’s inability to communicate his insecurities regarding his financial situation seems to hinder his ongoing pursuit of Mary. Assuming that he isn’t meant for her is silly, especially when he should know that she doesn’t care about superficial matters like financial security. His concerns are valid, but could have been voiced earlier on, since she rejected Ryder although he had money for Italy and chose him instead.

I love nothing more than a heartfelt confession and every time they spoke, it felt like endless words of love. The tension between them was naturally high, and didn’t need any intimate scene to depict their obvious longing for each other. His cry during her confession was so impactful and I’m glad they got their happy ending.

The quote ‘in my best interest’ was the only time I agreed with violence and I’m glad she beat him up because he is being so silly.

Mary

The growth and self-reflection depicted was insanely well written and acted, especially when you watch how her wardrobe gradually becomes lighter and more vibrant as she continues to find herself away from home. She learnt to create her own happiness, firstly in finding a family that truly loved her for who she is, and afterwards, finding the love of her life as well, all in her pacing. Mary is an inspiration to all young women who feel degraded in their lives, compared to others although they are different creatures.

The message of the story isn’t plainly about love, it is about finding your true self, whether it was found through the people around you, or through a simple move away from the place that kept you caged in.

The end❤︎⁠